This wasn't my original idea

I missed posting last night. Got caught up watching Rudy on the DVR. Such an inspirational true story. I'm a big beliver in overcoming and "doing it ANYWAY". Down with naysayers and those who say we should just accept our lot in life and be content...grab life with both hands and full speed ahead!

Maybe that's why I'm such a good fit for the kids God's brought me. Some of them looked pretty hopeless at first, second and third glance. Some of them probably still seem that way. Not every child I had in foster care over the past nine years wanted my help. They might have resented it. I think some of them might not have even realized I was trying to help, or thought they needed it.

By the time some children reach foster care, they're so tweaked by the horrendous lives they have, they don't know what "normal" families look like or act like. I had one little guy in my home who'd been in over twenty homes by the time I got him when he was ten. It makes your heart scream and bleed. I remember sitting in family court listening to charges being read against a man and what he was accused of doing to his son. The judge was a woman. As she read that long, horrible list I remember wondering how she could do her job. How do you stay impartial and fair when you see this truly unbelievable side of humans and how they treat their own young? I wanted to jump on the guy and pound him senseless. I wanted to scream. I did cry, and as previously mentioned, I don't do that often or well.

My heart has been permanently changed by the things I learned as a foster parent. I can't say right now if it's for better or worse. Just changed.

I love all the children it's been my privledge to care for over the years. Some of them are now legally mine. I'm not the best mom in the world. I worry and I work too much, and I still don't spend enough "quality" time with them. But, I'm pretty sure they all know I love them. And I know that having a permanent single parent, while not the ideal situation, it is a whole lot better than where they were before.

We have years ahead of us, trying to learn together how to mend and live with the damage done to them by the parents who brought them into the world. But, I'm betting that it will all be worth it. For all of us.