Thursday, May 22, 2008

Not So Hot Today...

I'm having a not-so-hot day.

It's one of those days when I'm feeling the weight of my responsibilities and, I guess, allowing the enemy's arrows into my heart.

It's one of those days when I try to reach out to a few people, and get shot down... When the best "advice" I get is that I knew what I was getting into when I adopted these kids; basically, it's the same "advice" my mom got from my Grandmother decades ago when she was having trouble in her marriage: you made your bed, now you have to lie in it. That was when dad was having multiple affairs, and my mom wanted to leave him and come home to Grandma.

Wow. Incredible empathy and tender-heartedness. Can't we allow the people we say we love to have bad days, and let them hurt? Can't we be a place where it's okay to be hurting?

Charlie Peacock wrote a song based on Job called Now is The Time For Tears. It said, in part, "Stay with me, don't try to fix me, friend. That's how you'll comfort me."

Today, I need some comfort. The kind that comes from a person and has two ears, two arms, and a big heart.

See what I mean? I'm letting the enemy beat me up. The fact that I'm alone in this gig -- both the parenting thing and the world in general -- is a super-tough place for me. Sometimes it's much harder than others. I've been doing it for over eighteen years and sometimes it wears me down.

My family members are few and scattered. I've got a brother somewhere in California, and my mother is in Colorado. That's about it.

I had some really fun news yesterday, but found myself with no one to call. No one to share the fun with. Well, that's not true. I tried to share it with a few people, but no one really cared. No one grasped how special it was to me, personally.

That's what started this little spiral down.

Today, I'd like a drink.

And a man.

And a trip to Mexico or something.



  1. did you try to share with me?? if so, i hope i wasn't one who didn't care. and if have my #!! share with me next time!

  2. long have we known eachother? LOL! well...for the future, you know who to call!